I have been irked; those sending me threatening messages must stop else I will blast rough-rough.
I have just landed a job at Olu Abre Junior High School, and my interaction with the pupils in my first week as a teacher in that school have been very eventful.
In order for me to have an idea of their comprehension of the English Language, I asked them to explain the following: “eke out”, “to doctor” and “peter out”.
One boy raised up his hand and shouted: “Teacher, teacher.” I told him to go ahead with his answer. He told the class that “eke” is the short form of Ekechuku, a Nigerian name, and that eke out means Eke is gone out.
A girl stood up and screamed that a doctor is someone who treats diseases. Things were getting funny: a third pupil also said “Peter” is the name of a person and that his uncle is called Kwame Peter. So, peter out means his Uncle Peter is gone out.
I gave them the following explanations: eke out means to add to something insufficient with a great deal of effort, eg, to eke out a living with farm work.
To doctor means to tamper with or to falsify; and “peter out” means to dwindle.
In the course of my lesson I intercepted a letter from one of the girls and it reads as follows:
Olu Abre JHS
Box K 92
Kibi
Hello Sweet boy,
My heart is beat kumkum, kumkum for your beautiful love as am write this massage to you. I like the things you do me at secret places. You make me see that the world is sweet also.
If your love is crime then I be policeman to catch it to my heart prison because it is not ordinarily love. But the things Iam freightend always is that many girls are want you. They do things to jealousy me.
You saw that many men are wanting me but am minding you only. So promise me that the devils will not win you from me, because I gived all my heart for you. Remember our enjoy times always.
I love you more than the all the sands in the beach. Forget me not or else you will be what a shock soon.
Your only girl lover,
Ama Gyimaa.
Oops! What a day! As if these were not enough, Musa, my friend who is a diver’s mate was waiting for me in front of my house after I had closed from school. He had come to congratulate me on my new job as a teacher and to find out if I could get him a piece of chalk. I asked him what he was going to do with it and he told me that his master has asked that he brings it to work the next day.
Musa and his master had a contract to transport some oil palm fruits from a hilly village, and on their way to offload the fruits, the truck got stuck on one of the hills, and was moving backwards. The driver screamed at Musa to put the “chalk” under one of the back tyres of the truck. Musa quickly removed the piece of chalk I gave him, from his pocket and put it under the tyre, but it was crushed in no time, and the truck was dangerously descending the slope. An obviously alarmed master shouted, “Hey, Musa, why your head no dey?”
Musa, thinking that his master was asking him to use his head to block the truck put his head under one of the back tyres of the truck, and got crushed. He died instantly! It then occurred to people that what his master meant by “chalk” was actually a chock, which is a wedge or block placed against a wheel or vehicle to prevent it from moving.
I am mourning my friend and had wanted to rescind my decision to blast today; but I feel tetchy as a result of a statement Chairman You Can’t made on an Accra based Fm station that he will instruct his boys to attack any one holding an umbrella and a walkie-talkie in the Ashanti region on election day. Who is whispering that I should ask Chairman whether his head dey. Me, ask him? I no go fit oo. Please do that yourself if you think you have balls,
In another development, yaanom are downplaying the commissioning of the Komenda Sugar Factory and predicting that it will collapse in no time. They even went further to say that the factory shouldn’t have been built in a coastal town since the metal parts of the foundry will rust because of the effect of salt. This has incensed the youth of the region. They are saying that yaanom do not want their well-being and so they will show them something small in November to indicate that they also have two balls.
Gosh! Who is calling me at this critical period. Please just a moment, I want to pick this call. Hehehehehe, oyiwa, I saw it coming! A friend was the one calling from Kumasi He says Chairman You Can’t’s statement is causing fear and panic in the region. Many people think there will be chaos in the region on election day, so they say they won’t go out on that day. Eiwoo, trouble come oo. Given that yaanom have been getting about 38 percent of their votes from that region alone, it will be a disaster for them if people do not go out to vote.
As I was wondering why yaanom would always want to shoot themselves in the foot, I remembered an incident. You would recall that during the Supreme Court election petition case, Lawyer Ayikwei Otu, a leading member of the NPP defending the then NPP General Secretary, Sir John, in a contempt case, stated that he Sir John had been possessed by some “gbeshie” spirits. Many months later, another leading member also referring to Osafo Marfo’s ethnocentric remarks said that he believes Mr. Marfo must have been possessed by some “gbeshie” spirits too; and they may be right.
I also want to believe that those ruthless “gbeshie” spirits pestering the NPP are led by Belzibub himself, and they come in camboo shoes so leaders and members of the party do not perceive ominous signals. Those demons seem to be on the prowl ready to devour the flesh of the elephant.
Hold on for a moment please. Some filla drop now, now. This one be flesh; eii, sorry, I mean fresh. Ghanapoliticsonline.com has just reported that the leader and founder of Glorious Waves Church International, Prophet Emmanuel Badu Kobi has prophesied a one-touch victory for President John Dramani Mahama. According to the revered prophet, a certain flag bearer of a leading political party will fall and faint in the heat of this year’s electioneering campaign. Kai, I can hear someone’s heart beating kumkum, kumkum.
He also said, that particular flag bearer have failed to realised his dream of becoming president because certain things he did during the early stages of his life is pulling him back and that there is the need for him to see a man of God to “diagnose” and tell him what the problems are. Tsoo, gbeshie catch Opana too? Kikikikikiki, ayeka.
